Journey to Peace

Divorce Indecisiveness: 

Providing Clarity to Make A Decision 

A couple sat down for a free consultation for mediating their divorce. 

“We are not sure we want this” said the Husband, “but we tried marital therapy, and it didn’t work.” 

The Wife nodded “All we did is blame each other and he says he wants to be married, but he hasn’t changed a bit.” 

The Husband looked at her, “What do you mean I haven’t changed. I don’t need to change.  I am a great Husband.” 

Oftentimes in my practice, when couples are unsure about ending their relationship, marital therapy frustrates more than helps. The best predictor of successful treatment is the client’s commitment to changing what hasn’t worked for them in the past. When one spouse wants to stay, and the other spouse wants to leave marital therapy is usually not effective. It’s very important to understand that both must be committed to the marriage and open to changing in order for the marriage to improve. 

This is why I found that Discernment Therapy can be the most helpful for couples who need to make a decision. Discernment Therapy stops the couple from drifting half-heartedly into couples’ therapy, a premature divorce, or a divorce that leaves one partner baffled about exactly why their marriage ended. It is a short structured therapeutic process created to help couples make one of three decisions:

1. Stay in the marriage without change, accepting the deficiencies, believing that this is better than the alternative 
2. End the relations with a deeper understanding of what went wrong and how each spouse contributed to the problem 
3. Commit to six months of therapy to work through problems, knowing that each spouse needs to put in work while understanding that divorce is off the table

Discernment therapy takes 5-6 sessions to complete, and after each appointment, the couple must agree to return for the next session.  

If you are in a situation similar to my clients, consider Discernment Therapy. It’ll be worth it!